Heartbreak & Homecoming
Fostering a fifteen-year-old lady came with interesting challenges for first-time parents, namely: boys. That we live in the right half of a duplex containing a Fourteen-year-old boy in the left half compounded both means and opportunities for shenanigans.
Within 48 hours of move-in, the pair was 'official,' and, 24 hours after that, broke up. Lacey seemed none the worse for wear, but Jethro was devastated.
Although Jethro had lived next to us for over a year, we were unfamiliar with the particulars of his personality. He rarely came outside except when his friends wanted to play basketball, vape, and blast mumble rap from Temu speakers. I occasionally hired Jethro to shovel snow, haul wood, or mow the lawn; tasks for which he had little interest and no enthusiasm except for pay.
In the days following the breakup, Lacey reported increasingly disturbing behavior on the part of Jethro. At school, he started following her around. After a warmup period of three days, he began asking her out again. When that failed, he started begging.
"Aubrey," I said one afternoon, about a week into our new immersive reality TV experience, "I think I should talk to Jethro."
"Wait on that," Aubrey said, "give Lacey time to sort this out on her own. If it gets bad, then we'll intervene."
"Ok," I said.
As it turns out, it didn't take long for it to get bad. Two days after our conversation, we got a notification from our doorbell camera. We watched as Jethro talked to Lacey. It was clear she was growing uncomfortable. As the conversation progressed, Jethro moved into a position that, intended or not, cornered Lacey. He continued talking in unintelligible words with a nagging tone. Then, he put his arm against the wall, functionally blocking Lacey’s escape.
" ...leezzz..." Jethro whined.
"Fine," Lacey said.
Jethro then leaned in closer; Lacey turned away; Jethro followed her and kissed her: Lacey ducked under his arm and opened our front door, disappearing inside.
"Welp," I said to Aubrey.
"Yep," she said.
That evening, I saw Jethro outside and called for him.
"Yeah?" he asked as he shuffled over.
"Jethro, you've gone too far with Lacey. I know you pressured Lacey to kiss you. You will not do that again. You will not beg her to do anything. You will not force her to do anything. I don't care if you end up dating, but if I ever hear of you behaving the way you did today, you will have to deal with me, and I will not be this nice. Do you understand?"
"Mm," he mumbled.
"Jethro, look me in the eyes and say, 'Yes sir.' "
"Yes sir," Jethro said.
Three minutes later, Jethro's grandmother, Mary (the matriarch of the house) called.
"Jethro said you threatened him?"
I could tell she was upset, but she seemed to be unsure of whom she should blame.
"Did he mention he cornered Lacey on the porch and kissed her?" asked.
"No, no he didn't," she said, "thanks for letting me know."
I could hear her dejection and knew she wasn't looking forward to disciplining a child who wasn’t even hers.
That evening, Aubrey and I talked with Lacey about standing up for herself and saying 'no.'
"Lacey, what happened with you and Jethro today?" Aubrey asked.
"I dunno," Lacey said.
"Did he kiss you?" Aubrey asked.
"Yeah..." Lacey said.
"Did you want him to kiss you?" Aubrey asked.
"Not really," Lacey said.
"Did you tell him to stop?" Aubrey asked.
"Sort of..," Lacey said.
"Sort of?" Aubrey questioned.
"I dunno," Lacey said.
I could tell Lacey was uncomfortable, and she was likely to shut down completely if we didn't handle this correctly.
"Lacey," I said, "I know Jethro can be pushy at times. Did it seem rude to say 'no'?
"Yeah," Lacey said.
"Saying 'no' isn’t rude when you want someone to stop," Aubrey said, "sometimes I tell Jon 'no' when I have bad breath and don't want him to kiss me."
That got a giggle out of Lacey.
"Lacey," I said, "young men aren't very good at knowing when they should stop. That's not an excuse for bad behavior, it's simply a fact. Throughout your life, you will need to tell people, especially young men, 'no' and 'stop.' Practice helps, so can you practice saying 'no' to someone this week?"
"No," Lacey said.
We all laughed.
Fast-forward two months and it's the evening of homecoming. Lacey had been looking forward to this for several weeks and was excited to wear her dress; a silky, blue dress with white flowers. Half an hour before we were to leave, Mary came over and asked if Lacey would like to carpool with them. I asked Lacey and she said 'ok.'
Ten minutes later Mary and Jethro walked over and asked if Lacey was ready for pictures. I was a bit caught off guard as we had already taken pictures, but I called Lacey anyway.
"Hey Lacey, Jethro wants some pictures."
She looked at me funny: evidently, I wasn't the only one taken aback.
Outside, Jethro presented Lacey with a corsage, then Mary proceeded to take several pictures of them together.
"Ready to go?" Mary asked at length.
"Lacey," I interjected, "Let's fix your hair before you go."
Bewildered, Lacey followed me inside.
"Lacey, did you agree to go to homecoming with Jethro?" I asked.
"Ummm..." she stammered.
"Lacey?" Aubrey asked.
"No," Lacey said.
I felt bad for Lacey; this was a terrible situation, but one which was under her control. She would need to decide how to handle it, even though it felt icky.
"Lacey," I said, "are you uncomfortable with this?"
"I dunno," Lacey said, shrugging.
"Well, if you are, tell Jethro you're not going with him," I said, "and we'll take you to the dance."
"It's fine," Lacey said.
"Lacey," I said, looking in her eyes, "this is your call. You have to decide what happens tonight. You can go with Jethro, or you can go with us, but you have to say what you want."
Lacey went with Jethro that night. That there was no credible threat to Lacey's safety or innocence meant the decision fell outside of my purview. I may not like the choice Lacey made, and I believe it was a mistake. But it was her mistake to make.
Though pungent, mistakes are valuable lessons for those of us who are merely mortal.