Legacy: Why Become a Parent, Pt. 2
But I can have a better impact by donating/living a good life/praying…
No, you cannot. Your life is unremarkable and the impact you can have on those around you is narrow at best.
That the life of one individual is indistinguishable from the next is the rule. Of the tens of billions of people to have ever lived, few have ever created a noteworthy life. You may have 20,000 followers on Instagram, but how many people do they follow? Would they even notice if you disappeared? Not likely.
Having children allows you the rare opportunity to work with individuals in a deeply intimate way. To shape the world of someone who will likely outlive you; someone who can, unlike you, reach into the future.
It is in vogue to "raise awareness" for various causes: the climate, Ukraine, Israel…
But how many people put these sentiments into action? The awareness of millions is of no utility if no one acts.
Another popular option these days is to attempt to limit the negative impact one has on the planet while here. By recycling, riding a bike everywhere, and not ending up with a #metoo next to one's name, one "reduces harm." All the while consuming resources that the person is incapable of replenishing.
Do not be fooled: your life alone will mean vanishingly little in the grand desert of human existence. But your ideas, your values, and your passions can live on.
Why not then simply reach out to help those around you?
This is a wonderful course of action, and you can have a constructive and enduring impact on people who are in dire need of such help. In fact, if it weren't for several men (one of whom is pictured below) voluntarily guiding me along the path of life, I would have nothing close to the amazing life I have today.
However, it is, at best, improbable that a given individual can help another without any form of practice. Parenting allows for a series of iterating opportunities for both interactions and feedback on those interactions. This allows one to hone the ability to lessen the suffering, or perhaps even improve, the lives of others. Parenthood fosters these skills simultaneously in both parents and children. Looking back on my role models, every one of them was a father first, then a mentor.
Furthermore, the parent-child bond provides both a deeper connection and a broader scope than any apprenticeship-style relationship allows. The very fact that another human depends on you wholly is a substantial motivation to cast off the whimsy of adolescence and focus on what truly matters in life.
Outside of your children, you may be able to genuinely impact the lives of a handful of people. But if you raise your children to be productive, disciplined, and kind they will be able to carry those values into the future.
You will die, but your impact on humanity doesn't have to.
For the full story with Mike Gaffney, click here.